Exactly 20 years ago, I graduated from Vanderbilt with a bachelors degree in elementary education. Peabody College is known for its quality education program and produces teachers who are well trained, eager and who have big visions for their classrooms. This describes me as I started my first day in an inner city classroom located in Jacksonville, Florida surrounded by some of the roughest projects in the area. One of my coworkers was held at gun point IN the classroom on a work day, just down the hall from me.
On the first day of school, I awoke a nervous and excited mess with ideal images of a classroom filled with beautiful 7 and 8 year old children. Shockingly, early on the first day, one of my students took money off of my desk and proceeded to give me the finger while standing on his desk. I still think of this boy (who became precious to me) and often wonder what life is like for him at 27 years of age. However, I remember my second morning before school (at the breakfast table with a glass of orange juice and an unfinished bowl of cereal) just like it was yesterday. The orange juice did not stay down due to nerves and the cereal was discarded before taking the 25 minute drive across the river to the other side of town. I kept thinking THIS is not what I signed up for.... THIS is not why I went into education.... and I just can't do THIS! I grumbled and complained at God's providence as if he had made a mistake, as if he didn't know what was best for me and as if he wasn't sufficient to help me persevere in a role he called me to and lovingly provided for me.
Recently, I've had moments of grumbling against God's provision for me similar to that second morning of my first job. I've had some of the exact same thoughts..... THIS is not what I want! I've thought back on that surprisingly wonderful year in the inner city of Jacksonville and remembered the Lord's gracious provision for each day. Years later, there were "fish stories" from that principal about this "little girl" who managed a challenging classroom in the early 90's. Coworkers shared these annoying stories with me (as they rolled their eyes) long after I moved to Philadelphia and started teaching in a private Christian school.
As some of you know, nearly all of my blog posts (and this one will be no different) make some mention of my father and his influence in my life. With his birthday approaching, this seems particularly fitting. While living on my own in Jacksonville, paying bills for the first time without any familiar relationships (& still not acquainted with Kyle), Dad was one of the people who encouraged me to endure, to dig deep and to finish what I started-- difficulty and all. Of course, he was great with the idea of welcoming me back to Oklahoma after that year- considering I didn't know a soul in Jacksonville, let alone the state of Florida. His life was characterized by determination and perseverance. As his daughter, I was challenged to no less than this fine example. Now, I find myself, once again, discontent with God's providence in my life. The strength of my earthly father combined with the overwhelming grace, presence and almighty strength of my heavenly father encourages me to press on once again and to give thanks in all circumstances!
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
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