Since You've Been Gone

This school year must go on record as the fastest ever.  The days flew by at a dizzying pace and with a roller coaster ride of emotions.  In some ways it was the hardest year of my life and in other ways it was the most satisfying to date.  The students began their school experience without a teacher and in the hands of our most loving and gracious school counselor.  I showed up on day three overwhelmed by sadness and in shock from the recent and sudden loss of my Dad.   The comfort and sustaining grace of God gave me the strength to handle those first days with much joy and eagerness.  My father's example of endurance, faithfulness and passion gave me a model for how to live when everything in life suddenly turned upside down for our family.  My precious students will never know how their sweet and joyful spirits gave me purpose and hope each day as I silently and deeply grieved the death of a person who was so much a part of me, as if part of myself was gone.

Now that we're coming to the end of the year, I find myself wanting to tell Dad about it all.  Thoughts like "since you've been gone" fill my mind. ........ Caroline got her braces off.  Jack started driving.  It was a great year for the Oscars. (Les Mis and Lincoln were out of this world... I wonder what you would have thought about Life of Pi.  Kyle and Mary really loved it!)  Mom attended an Oscar party and kept the family tradition alive.  She also attended a Young family wedding without you-- I know you would be very pleased by this effort. Her travel schedule rivaled many of the years you spent together.  Heidi and Caroline are teenagers now (UGH!!)  Even Kelly has entered a phase with much drama and hormones raging; Kyle and I are in over our heads with 3 "teen" girls and increasing interest from (or should I say for) boys.  We finished an outdoor living area which you would love.  Our church moved into a new worship space.  Mom hosted many from the Tulsa ballet-- keeping your flare for hospitality active at home.  Many in our country have suffered from unthinkable tragedy in two of the states where your family lives--- due to gun violence and tornado devastation.  Obama won another term--- some of us miss your political emails and commentary. There are not a lot of conservatives left in the Young family.  Your absence is still overwhelming and powerfully felt by those who loved you so very much! Music is a particularly painful trigger; Neil Diamond, ABBA and Elton John slay me regularly as I remember your love of music and dancing. 

As we close out a most memorable and eventful school year, we're enjoying an ABC countdown to summer.  Activities such as Art Day... Bubble Day, ... Outdoor Writing Day, ... Relay Race Day have helped build the anticipation of summer and the celebration a most wonderful year together.  With just 8 days left, while teachers and students all over Texas are longing for the relaxation of summer, I find myself dreading the end and the sad goodbyes to my sweet students.  In the Lord's providence, our classroom has been a glorious combination of profound loss, much growth, exciting firsts and abundant joy.  The students are now reading and writing with ease and ready to be big 1st graders, but I hate to see them go.  I can only hope for the blessing of another class like this one.  I will forever remember the 2012-2013 school year with great affection and as one connected to my father and his lasting influence in my life. 

Fences

My walk this morning was a surreal experience.  It's a beautiful, spring day (somewhat rare this year) with a perfect chill in the air.   As always, I walked while listening to music on the ipod.  Alan Jackson's "Remember When" filled my ears while my eyes took in a variety of touching scenes.  A young boy (maybe 9 or 10) walked past me in tears.  A little girl played outside in a Superman/Princess combination, topped off with a crown.  A young Mom held her baby's arms straight up while the PJ dressed little girl practiced taking steps.  Many Dads were mowing and edging and the fresh cut smell of grass filled the air.  One homeowner was carrying sections of rotten fence to the curb for bulk pick up this week.  I got to thinking of all the families, struggles and joys packed into the suburbs where people live behind 6 foot fences in large homes on small lots.  Upon arriving home, I wrote a $400+ check to a nice man who just replaced many rotted posts for our backyard fence.  Was it painful to write such a hefty check for wood poles?  Yes!  Was it worth every penny to maintain the privacy we enjoy and crave?  Absolutely, yes!  Within our fence, we workout marriage and parenting issues with a good measure of conflict.  Who wants the neighbors staring in while we disagree, even fight, with a spouse or teenager?  Plus, we are glad to keep the doberman out of our backyard, previously a rottweiler in the same yard.  What is it with big, scary dogs in Texas?!

This satisfying and reflecting walk comes after a week that felt like a train wreck in many ways.  You could describe me as an angry Tasmania Devil stirring up trouble in my path, nearly everywhere I went.  My words, actions and even thoughts hurt those closest to me, including my spouse and children.  While my husband was away on a "guys trip" with minister friends, I repeatedly asked him if he was sharing my garbage with his friends, not wanting him to lower the fence of privacy that I  maintained throughout the chaos of the week.   Even in the recent weeks, Kyle and I began meeting with one of the elders in our church to work through boundary issues for our teenagers.  We desire to maintain unity in parenting as we disagree on appropriate "fence lines" of protection for our girls. 

Obviously, as I write this, I'm giving others a peek over our wall of privacy, with Kyle's blessing.  I've been reminded this week of my need for a Savior and I have renewed gratitude for Christ's mercy to me as a miserable sinner, without hope except for his sovereign grace.  In his death on the cross, the curtain of the temple (or dividing line) was torn in two giving access to God himself through his perfect sacrifice for unrighteous people like me.

"For Christ died for sins once and for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God." 1Peter 3:18