During a somewhat aimless transition to summer days, with so much free time and so little routine, I'm starting each day with a morning walk. I crave and need routine, so this is a welcome daily habit. On the first morning of summer, while taking a walk, I was struck by my new found freedom (the luxury of morning exercise), clear blue skies, increasing heat, birds singing sweetly and a crisp reflection of houses on the surface of a neighborhood pond. I captured this image of homes reflecting on the water... thinking, "Yay, it's summer!" This morning included the same delight and routine, but my walk was delayed, making the reflection of those homes dull and blurry, yet still visible.
The timing of this fading reflection reminds me of the process of grief after you lose a loved one. The Lord comforts us and softens the sharp pain with gracious time. The ache, as if a boulder lives inside your chest, becomes lighter. Still, there are these times when the reflection of grief is stronger again. Just this week, there have been unexpected moments when the memory of Dad caused my chest to ache and the tears to flow. As we prepare for a big family trip, to celebrate Mom's 70th birthday, vivid memories of him fill my mind. A week from today, we leave on our 5th family cruise (the first without Dad). I
look forward to standing on the bow and stern of the ship once again. In addition to thousands of family photos, I absolutely love to capture the reflections on the surface of the ocean. It is one of my all time favorite things in life..... right up there with sunset photos! : )
Over the last several years, it's surprised me, in the experience of grief, that the simplest things bring the greatest pain. Just yesterday, when Caroline asked me about doing laundry on the ship, my eyes unexpectedly filled with tears for the first time in months. I got to thinking........ Who will do laundry with me every day as we travel around the Mediterranean Sea? (nobody) Only Dad and I would let such "OCD issues" of clean clothes follow us around the globe. Who will knock on our cabin door at 6:30 in the morning (for no reason) while on VACATION? (nobody) Who will remind me to capture hundreds of photos by saying, "You're gonna miss the best shot!" (nobody) While my brother and I are certainly strong reflections of our father, we are way more laid back and deferential than he was. Our Dad was a powerful force in life and especially in our family. He led and we all knew to follow. End of story! Who will lead our group as we engage with new cultures of our world? (With an increasing number of young adults in the family, the answer to this question will be fun to witness as Dad is reflected in each of them.) He will certainly be missed!
