As I wrap up another school year with my sweet students, I'm struck with how quickly the year went! We've had a truly fabulous year together.... one of the best! Every year, I'm thankful for the opportunity to be a part of a child's life (8 hours each day!), but at the same time I'm aware that my influence is limited to a period of time and then it's done. Once again, as the final days roll by, I wonder if I've done enough. Did I figure out how to motivate each student? Did I make them feel loved and safe? Do they know that I believe they are capable of greatness and that they inspire me each and every day? Teachers have this annual stewardship reminder with such a weighty role and influence in the lives of children for a time.
While teachers are given 9+ months to invest in the lives of students, parents are given 18 years of influence. As I consider the speed of this school year, it brings me to tears, because it marks the beginning of our final school year with our daughter. I ask myself similar questions as those of a teacher: Have I done enough? Does my daughter know how she inspires me? Does she know that she is capable of greatness? Does she know how much she is loved? (Mother/daughter tension leaves this in question many days, even today.) Have I taught her to make choices to enhance her safety? Not to mention, I still need to teach her how to cook and to be a homemaker. Here's hoping, like her Mama, she will rise to the occasion. I can barely hold it together as I consider the senior year and all the reminders that she is leaving. How have my relatives and childhood friends made it through this season with (seemingly) so much composure?!? I look at their graduation announcements on display in the kitchen with great joy, satisfaction and much sympathy. Senior year hasn't even started and I'm a bundle of emotion already.... a complete mess!
Lately, the increasing speed and passing of time both intrigues and frustrates me. Every May, after all the testing and end of year projects are complete, I tend to savor classroom morning meetings even more. I listen to their stories with added interest and realize our time together is precious and fleeting. I want to hold on to my sweet students and keep them in kindergarten a while longer. I wish there was a pause button. Still, there is no greater desire to make time stop than with my own child. We're living in those fleeting moments just before her inevitable launch to adulthood. This comes with obvious tension and sadness. I can almost hear the ticking of a clock and it nags at me.
Thankfully, there will be a day when the passing of time is no more. For eternity, we will never feel the ticking of a clock or the fleeting of days. When it is our time to go, we will be in the presence of the Lord forever. This gives such comfort and peace.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
