The joy of the Lord is your strength. Is it really?

As I read Nehemiah 8:10, I'm struck by a realization that "the joy of the Lord" does not characterize my life.  The goodness, mercy, faithfulness and majesty of the Lord fills my thoughts and brings me to tears, but my heart and mind remain sober, serious, even downcast much of the time.  As a young mother, I kept my nose to the ground trying to raise obedient girls, but I did not savor the baby/toddler years.  At the time, I considered them mundane and mindless duties (a sad confession).  As a teacher, I can be a workhorse that will do anything to enable my students to read and write, but I don't enJOY the miracle of development in the classroom as I should.  If 21 students are reading fluently for the first time in their lives and one student lacks confidence in using reading strategies, I will obsess over the one struggling student, neglecting to rejoice and consider the many successes.   As the Oliphints enjoy a new outdoor living area, you will find Kyle contentedly listening to music while drinking a beer, but you will find me on my hands and knees digging rock salt from a twice stained and sealed surface.  You've got your glass is half empty people and your glass is half full people.  I'm more of a "Who broke this glass and made this mess?".... kind of a person.  You might wonder: Why in the world is Lizzie rambling on in this way?  Well, after reading the blog of my teacher friend who is going to Zambia with me, it hit me that joy should be considered and a reality in the life of a Christian.  You should follow her blog during our travels.  She will lift your spirits and inspire you by her love for the Lord and the children in Zambia. 
http://myhopeisingodalone.blogspot.com/
The irony for me is that I have been showered with every blessing you can enjoy in this world by God's grace.  I don't long for anything except the hope of heaven.  I'm not implying that believers should stick their heads in the clouds and ignore the dark and devastating realities of life in a fallen world, BUT I am becoming more and more convicted by a lifestyle characterized by a desire for control and affected more by circumstances than by joy as I share in the sufferings of Christ.   As we use our training as teachers in a community of orphans where the circumstances of this world give no reason for joy, I'm praying that the Lord does a transforming work in my heart.   As Allison remembers the joy of the orphans she will be reunited with, I'm humbled to have the opportunity to take this journey with her. "Count it all joy, my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."  James 1:2