Bitter and Sweet

Here it is the last day of December, not to mention the last day of the year, and I haven't written anything this month.  Our calendar has been packed with celebration, so why don't I feel like writing?  Even this post is just an attempt to check the "December box" with a self-imposed obligatory update.  Two words capture the Christmas holiday season in my mind: bitter and sweet.  For me, it is so different from Thanksgiving where the overwhelming theme is one of gratitude. 

We started off the month with a luxurious overnight in Dallas celebrating our anniversary.  The hotel staff greeted us with enormous strawberries completely covered in dark chocolate.  Kyle insisted that I should try them, as they were beyond delicious, but I just couldn't.  Bitter and sweet do not mix well in my mind (or my taste buds).   Still, I wonder if I'm missing something.  Is there something profoundly good in the mixture of these two "tastes". 

So much of life is a combination of bitter and sweet moments and the Christmas season seems to magnify this experience for me.  With all of the joy and festivity (sweetness) surrounding the holidays, I tend to be sad this time of year, especially mindful of great loss (bitterness) in our lives.  Every time I turn on the computer or the television, I read another story of tragedy and suffering.  Just yesterday, I read a blog post of a young mother suffering well; I was stunned as she wove the bitterness of a life crushing disease with the sweetness of her faith in Christ.   Unlike this dear saint, I am relatively untouched by the harsh realities of life in a fallen world or of a broken body.  Her testimony of faith (see below) including the strength and peace that comes only from the Lord Jesus encourages my soul as I anticipate 2015.

Happy New Year, friends!  May we taste the sweetness of God's amazing grace in the year ahead and be transformed by "the hope of Christmas".  


http://myjourneywithibc.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-hope-of-christmas.html?m=1

Teach Me to Number My Days

  Christmas cards have been ordered.   Sparkling lights brighten the outside of our home and tubs of decorations fill the inside just waiting for a team of girls to go to work.  The tree is up and Christmas music adds festivity.   It's Thanksgiving break and we're so thankful for the week off-- including plenty of rest and time with extended family.  My oldest daughter and her friends fill our house with delicious baked treats as they try out new recipes.  The scene is picture perfect in many ways and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the rich blessings around us.    So..... why do I feel so bah humbug as we welcome another holiday season?  Even the annual tradition of watching "Elf" felt odd to me this year.  It's not the typical to-do list, the shopping requests  or the commercialization of Christmas that gets to me.  I think it's the passing of time and the increased speed of each year that gives me pause.  I keep thinking, "Didn't we JUST welcome the New Year?!"  "2014-- where did it go?"  "It seems we just celebrated Thanksgiving in Katy, Texas."  These thoughts go on and on as I feel like it should be spring or early summer, NOT quickly approaching winter already!  And, whatever happened to fall in Texas?!  It's my favorite season and it lasted close to 10 days with the late departure of unwelcome heat and the early arrival of freezing weather.   Of course the year was a full one-- we savored the busy days!  We have multiple photo albums of memories reminding us of the Lord's goodness to us.  I have no regrets.  Still, I'm amazed by how quickly the weeks passed in 2014.  It's as if the planets raced around the sun in their orbit making the seasons shorter somehow.

Maybe, this perspective is a normal mindset for those entering the mid-forties.... a midlife shift of sorts?  Is this what they call a mid-life crisis?  In the recent weeks, our church family welcomed two sweet baby girls and a baby boy to this world with great joy.  At the same time, we celebrated the home-going of a dear sister-in-Christ as she entered the glories of heaven.  Both beginning and end of life give us pause and cause us to offer much praise and thanksgiving to God.   While these precious babies know none of the sufferings of life in a fallen world as they begin their days on earth, our amazing friend, who endured suffering through the various seasons of life, knows only peace in presence of her Savior as she also knows none of the sadness of this world anymore.  Unlike these dear souls,  I am in the middle of life on earth and all too aware of the tragic and horrific circumstances filling the news of our days.  Thankfully, I am acquainted with the One who numbers our days and who rules over the the seasons with unending faithfulness.  I rest in His care as He holds my days with steadfast love.

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want ......... Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever."  from Psalm 23

Old Blog, New Name

For some time now, the name of my blog has bothered me---"Teacher's Notes".  Originally, I started writing to keep notes while teaching in Africa, kind of a travel blog for family and friends back home.  I never intended to continue writing after the summer of 2012.  However, in God's providence, the "notes" continued following Dad's tragic accident and untimely death.   Then, in the midst of a new season of parenting multiple teenagers, the words seemed to flow even more.   Still, I'm not trying to TEACH anything to those who stumble across this blog, so the name seems unfitting.  Sure, I'm a teacher, but I have no intention of sharing information from my classroom. My teaching profession is just one of the many aspects of life.   

I've considered some questions to come up with a more appropriate name:  Why do I write and what is the purpose?  Is it just an online diary of sorts?  As one who is prone to wander from the Lord in my thoughts, words and deeds, just as a sheep wanders from the fold, I hope my writing reflects a journey of stumbling faith in the midst of this broken world and mostly a faithful Shepherd who continually protects, guides and sustains me.  I hope the grace and mercy of the Lord shines through my weakness and that fellow stumblers will be encouraged to seek Christ as well.  In those moments when I feel the most vulnerable, such as middle of the night anxiousness, (most especially at my father's bedside during his final hours) "the Lord is my shepherd" plays over and over and over in my mind and heart.  No matter the role-- teacher, mother, wife or friend--- I am no more than a needy sinner (a sheep) in need of the steadfast love and unending faithfulness of the Lord Jesus.  His forgiving mercy and abundant goodness should be the theme of my writing.  So much of life is confidential and not appropriate to share in a blog, but my journey with the Lord, in the midst of it all, is an open book and one that I will continue to record if the Lord wills.

"Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people and the sheep of his pasture.  Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise!  Give thanks to him; bless his name!  For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever; and his faithfulness to all generations."  Psalm 100: 3-5

" Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."  Isaiah 43

Calculating 20 Years

We've seen a couple of movies this week relating to the theme of marriage, both including great infidelity--- In one of the stories the marriage was redeemed by God's grace and in the other it was broken.  As I look back over the years, I'm especially thankful for God's faithfulness and his goodness to us.   While our blessings are countless, I've done some calculating of the details of God's provision for our family.  It is only by his grace that we anticipate our 20th anniversary together-- on December 10th. 

What goes into twenty years of marriage?
1 faithful Lord-- Christ Jesus
2 needy sinners- thankful for the mercy of God
3 beautiful daughters who are growing in grace
4 cities-- Jacksonville, suburban Philadelphia, Tampa, Ft. Worth
5 zipcodes (including apartment living)
6 churches-- under the shepherding care of loving elders
7 pets-- lots of dead fish
8 cars-- many car payments and repairs
9 countries visited-- expanding our vision of world and the kingdom of God
10 years in TEXAS-- ten more on the east coast
11 employers/job titles between the two of us (including security detail, UPS and Barnes and Noble)
12 years with Kelly-- blessed by her joyful and abiding presence
13 summers hiking in Crested Butte
14 years of pastoral ministry (many more including youth ministry and young life)
15 years with sweet Caroline-- blessed by her depth, thoughtfulness and passionate ways
16 years as homeowners (3 homes)-- mowing various lawns with the SAME lawnmower
17 years as parents (nearly)-- blessed by Katie Belle's strength, determination and grace
18 anniversaries celebrated at home (pizza, finals, packing to move, & Lonesome Dove Bistro)
19 family vacations to CB (including ski trips)
20 glorious years together

Kyle, it's been quite a journey.  I'm crazy thankful for the blessing of doing life by your side.

I love you very much!
Your Bee

Look Up

During a fun day in the classroom, I kept thinking to myself, "Was it just a dream that I was in the cool, colorful, beautiful mountains of Colorado just yesterday?"  The miracle of flight completely astounds me!  (I could write a whole post on the experience and luxury of air travel, including early morning/late night hours spent people watching in the terminal where thousands of heads are bowed down to cellular devices.)  After an uneventful arrival last night, one of my sweet students greeted me this morning with a question that melted me: "Mrs. Oliphint, what did you see in Colorado?"  When I mentioned the colorful leaves, the mountains, a waterfall, and the valley she followed up with additional interest beyond her 5 years, "Did you see any rivers?"  I love my job!!! 

This lovely weekend included three of my very favorite things in life: my Mom, Crested Butte and hiking.  I am SO very thankful for the blessing of time together while also enjoying the beauty of golden hiking trails in Crested Butte.  To keep from stumbling along the mountain path, I spent a good bit of time with my eyes tuned into the uneven rocky soil, often missing the glorious beauty surrounding me.  I kept reminding myself to pause, look up and take a photo in the midst the (sometimes exhausting) trail.  Some of the most beautiful images were  directly above my head.

At the end of our first day together and after a delicious meal with a friend, Mom and I walked her dogs after dark.  Once again, the desire to look up was overwhelming.  A crisp fall night in the mountains included a display of stars unlike any other.  Millions of stars shined brightly in the blackest of black skies.  I was stunned with thanksgiving to God for his greatness and majesty as I considered the vastness of his creation and the smallness of creatures like me.   These reminders to look up are symbolic of the lessons I am learning throughout life.   In the midst of uneven and challenging circumstances, I have to remind myself to look up  and to trust in the Lord in the daily details of life.  Similar to the glorious beauty above my head while surrounded by an aspen grove or a starlit sky, the greatness, goodness and glory of the Lord is there to behold when I raise my gaze to him.  Similar to the hiking trail, my tendency is to keep my focus on things below and to navigate this world with careful steps.  However, I'm confident that joy and peace in Christ comes only from looking  up to him and to his kingdom.

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.  See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you.  Nations will come to your light and kings to the brightness of your dawn.  Lift up your eyes and look about you."  Isaiah 60:1-4

Savoring the Insantiy

With 3 school weeks under our belt, our family has settled into a season of organized chaos.  Just last week, after a full day in kindergarten, I barely made it to a middle school volleyball game in time when my oldest called from her tennis match and asked me to take her to get her car, so that she could make the first home football game.  By the time I got to the tennis courts (at another high school), she had finished her match and was already in route to the game with friends (due to a communication break down) with her car left in the school parking lot.  Naturally, her Dad and I picked up her car.  After dropping Kyle at the high school, I drove through the take out line at Golden Chick on my way home.  Having left the house at 6:30 in the morning, I found myself sitting in a long drive through line behind assorted pick-up trucks at 7:30 p.m.  As I considered the lifestyle of a modern day family with two parents working outside the home, I found myself amused, while also exhausted.  Many days, it's just not pretty, but from the world's perspective, we are living the life!  This typical Thursday is not an unusual scenario for our family, let alone a great number of families in the midst of a teenage season of life.   Now that we have a third driver, strangely, there are evenings when I have no idea of the whereabouts of our oldest daughter.  From school to sports to babysitting to social outings, her presence in our home has become a treasure! 

Several years ago, I was a stay-at-home mother with little girls constantly underfoot.  I tended to nag and complain about too many hours of TV and too little family activity.  Often, I bemoaned a mundane lifestyle where I put less than 5,000 miles on my car annually; we just stayed home.  We didn't send our girls to "Mother's Day Out" or preschool, so we were always together.  An exciting family event was pizza/movie night.  Now, with the girls constantly scattered here and there, I find myself savoring the times when everyone is gathered around the television.  While I can count on one hand, the number of date nights Kyle and I shared during the first 5 years of parenting, the teenage years include an abundance of time with just the two of us together.  This Friday night was one of those occasions and we chose a busy, family friendly taco place.  We were entertained by the adorable chaos surrounding us.  A chatty 3 year old charmed us with friendly words and her sweet smile.  A curly headed baby in a plaid button up, maybe 10 months old, sat behind us and screamed/babbled through the family dinner.  A sweet 4 year old girl (with bright eyes, neon pink tennis shoes, jean mini-skirt and blond ponytail of curls on top of her head) captured our attention as she followed her Dad to their table-- straw in her mouth and purse on the arm.  I'm guessing those parents were not quite as enamored with their adorable little ones during their busy family dinners. I certainly found eating out with our little girls to be a beating! 

The following morning, (Saturday) included a baby shower to welcome two little babies to our church family.  There were mothers from all seasons of life in the room: empty nesters/grandmothers, new mothers, ladies homeschooling and women who consider being mothers.  I was caught off guard and brought to tears as I stumbled onto a conversation.  "Women tend to read in blogs things like: .... I would not worry about the dishes; I would play with the kids more."   While I mentioned I don't regret keeping a home where comfort included well ordered surroundings, I strongly relate with the sentiment of looking back and realizing I didn't treasure various seasons, chaos and all.  With two girls in high school, this moment caused the tears to flow unexpectedly.  Thankfully, in the midst of this crazy busy season for our family, I'm savoring the insanity of it all.  Lately, my prayers include thanksgiving to the Lord for lifting my eyes to him and for the peace, joy and heavenly perspective that come through his presence and by his spirit, no matter the season or schedule of life. 

Remembering to be Grateful

After the first week in kindergarten, I am grateful for a job I love SO very much and especially for my adorable new friends.  I'm thankful for the extra rest of a holiday weekend after the first days of school.  The first week in the classroom is characterized by continual movement and constant conversation.  Many of us are stretched to the point of satisfying exhaustion (teachers and students) as we adjust to the ways of the "big" elementary school. 

After a holiday weekend, we resume a dizzying pace for our family.  So, I want to remember the overwhelming sense of thankfulness (& peace) that I felt during the summer months.  Often in the midst of the fall and winter season, I tend to keep my eyes down, focused on tasks and duties in front of me and I tend to forget God's gracious, loving kindness in the daily moments of life.   Even this weekend, when my tendency is to be anxious as I consider increasing work and home responsibilities, I'm remembering to thank the Lord for His goodness.  May the joy and peace of Christ abound as I give thanks in all circumstances and as I seek to remember His steadfast love in the days ahead.  Life is short.  Christ promises joy and peace through Him.  We are called to a life of gratitude and nothing less. 

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:4-7