Two years seems an insignificant amount of time, a blip on the span of a lifetime, but in others ways it is quite noteworthy. We are approaching the two year anniversary of losing Dad, which seems like yesterday! At the same time, we are increasingly mindful of sending our oldest off to college (or to work) in two more years. Yesterday, I visited with a church member who recently lost her mother. We discussed the unusual and unexpected triggers that come with profound grief. Having two years of perspective, I mentioned that the loss remains the same, but the raw pain of it decreases with gracious time. Recently, I've been thinking a lot about Dad's absence and how our family has changed pretty significantly in the past two years. When he died, he had 1 grandchild in elementary, 4 in middle school and 1 in high school. There were no licensed drivers. College appeared to be in the distant future with haunting and forbidding tuition costs. Two years later, 5 out of 6 grandchildren are in high school and only 1 is left in glorious middle school. Half of the grandkids are driving CARS, one is filling out college applications and another is touring campuses to figure out where she wants to apply. Tuition costs are becoming a reality as both families consider having TWO in college (at the same time) for several years.
I've noticed (and it's amusing to me) that you get the strongest opinions and advice during the first two years of parenting and the last two years (the pre-college years). Every mother with a two year old knows how quickly the time goes and the significant milestones from newborn to age 2: smiling, rolling, sitting, eating, playing, walking and talking. The last two years at home come with equally life-changing (while not as cute!) opportunities: driving, independence, paychecks, bank accounts and peers experimenting with sex and alcohol. The contrast in these seasons is obvious, but the heart of the mother is the same. While touring colleges this weekend, we enjoyed comparing campuses and towns with Katie and hearing about her interests and preferences. I am genuinely excited about the possibilities in her future, similar to the excitement I felt when she took her first steps or her first bite of food. However, that intense desire to keep her safe from sharp corners, choking hazards and stairs is still there as I consider her safety behind the wheel of a car and on a college campus. My favorite thing at Oklahoma State University is the blinking, blue light throughout campus for college students to call the police for help. Oh, I love this feature more than any academic program! As I consider sending my daughters off, knowing independence from home is the next step for them, it is comforting to me that we are never truly independent. The beauty and nature of faith is that we are completely dependent on almighty God for the air we breath, the steps we take and new mercies every day. Thankfully, the Lord has plans for our girls and I can rest in his sovereign care as we seek to be faithful.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13
Monday, July 21, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Sweet Summertime
Sweet, sweet summertime!!! Summer months are deliciously refreshing and rejuvenating---- a season where I am not ruled by a to-do list. Don't get me wrong..... I'm a huge fan of living with assorted lists. Every day I have 2 to 3 things noted that I would like to accomplish before sunset. Even my classroom (with pages of lesson plans) couldn't function without that 3x8 piece of paper beside the computer listing the top details and priorities for the day. Yet, as we enter the second half of summer, I'm struck that a packing list and a grocery list are the only things hanging over my head. Even my summer goals are complete with time to make new ones.
Sadly, we've passed the mid-point for summer days. I am so thankful for an abundance of time with my girls and extra time inside of my house! Perhaps the biggest downside to working outside the home is the lack of hours invested on the home front. I really do miss it. As the days pass too quickly, it hits me that what makes summer days so sweet are the things that never end up on my list during the school year. ~Plenty of rest. ~The presence of friends and family with nothing pressing or pulling you away. ~Time for reflection ~Down time spent praising and thanking the Lord ~Quality time my girls (also hours by the television) ~Purposeful service and hospitality ~etc.
The Lord is growing in me a desire to prioritize the important things in life and to stop living by the urgent tasks of the day. Who knows where this journey will take me, but with just two more years until Katie graduates, I'm all too aware that my time is well spent on important things! We've entered a season of parenting in the big leagues and I feel more like a farm team parent. Summer subjects have included topics facing our teens (our girls)--- alcohol, sex and online bullying. May the Lord give me wisdom to parent these lovely girls well!! For the remaining summer days, I plan to enjoy every sweet moment with them.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Looks Can Be Deceiving
This week I took a summer hiatus while attending a workshop on literacy in a kindergarten classroom. It was such an encouraging three days with time to reflect on current practices and to be inspired by new ideas, ways to simplify, modify and improve my classroom. Once again, I'm struck by the weighty role of the teacher and how this privilege is not to be taken lightly. We influence hundreds of children daily and this is no small responsibility. By the end of the year, teachers are weary and overwhelmed. Summer professional development provides needed focus and renewed motivation. But I digress from the reason for this blog post.......
Typically summer days include lots of mother/daughter time which is quite rare during the school year. This week the girls have been on their own with meals, use of time and various activities. Yesterday, I arrived home to see Katie baking a homemade bundt cake. She took her little sister to the grocery store, bought lunch for both of them and then the ingredients to make a delicious dessert. While I wouldn't know how to make a cake unless I followed directions on the side of a box, Katie searched for ideas on the internet and then spent hours in the kitchen. After nearly 3 hours of hard work, she emptied the finished product from the bundt pan onto a cookie sheet only to have it fall into a messy chocolate mound, similar to the mud pies I made as a child. As she was frustrated and disappointed, she posted this result on the internet. Two things hit me: this non-baking mother was so proud of her daughter's creation, her creative drive and motivation to learn to bake on her own and her humility-- as she posted something REAL (a seeming failure) online. I was beaming with pride as I watched my child try and "fail" at something of interest to her. But, was it really a failure? Looks can be deceiving!!! It sure didn't taste like a disaster while licking the chocolatey goodness off of my fingers during teacher training today.
So much of what fills my social media feed includes perfect vacation photos (chief offender here!!!!), lovely homecooked breakfasts/dinners and beautiful smiling faces of my loved ones. If I'm being completely honest, nothing discourages me more than seeing a perfect "spread" of food cooked by another mother when it's not even a holiday. My immediate thoughts are: "I hope my family is fine with having cheetos and beef sticks for dinner and then rotten milk in their cereal." While this exaggeration is only partly true, it does capture my heart and how I often feel like a failure on the home front in the area of baking and providing home cooked meals for Kyle and the girls. I'm admitting this as I assume others also make assumptions and comparisons based on images posted. While the Oliphints are a happy family, sharing hundreds of photos, others would never know that before nearly every picture is taken, disaster ensues. "Please leave your sister alone. Just smile." "Not now, Mom!" "I promise it's just a few photos......" Then, wala- bam, beautiful smiles and the seemingly delighted family is captured and shared for loved ones to see. Again, looks are deceiving!
Recently, I caught up with a friend, who moved away, while she was home for a visit. She asked about our year. When I mentioned it was a difficult year, she said, "I had no idea! You're always so positive with everything you post." Of course, I mentioned that I don't want to share my garbage on the internet. People have enough discouraging things to fill their days without reading another person's trash or trouble. However, it made me think: Why am I so quick to post all that is good and beautiful in my life (trips, lovely children, fun outings/dates) and to remain so quiet about my challenges and/or "failures"? Am I causing another mother discouragement with my delightful travel photos similar to my envy of the perfect homemaker with home cooked breakfast images? It's just a thought.
Don't get me wrong. I love social media..... I love taking and posting photos and I love seeing the adventures and joys of my far away friends, while using this online tool. But, the look of something is not the reality! Just last Sunday, Kyle preached at a neighborhood retirement home. The room was filled with men and women in their 90's. Most used walkers or wheel chairs and many lacked the cosmetic look of those of us in younger decades. Yet, these souls in their twilight years (including a retired baptist preacher and a retired seminary professor) belted out the hymns by memory and they shouted "amen" with great faith and wisdom. They don't know the world of social media, have probably never sent a text or even an email in some cases. Their struggles did not include too much time on the internet or posting a version of life that seems too good to be true. They looked old, even weak and tired, but many of them are strong pillars of the faith, saints who have gone before us with lives of suffering and service. Over eighty years ago, they were sweet five year olds entering kindergarten classrooms much different from today, but they had teachers who loved children and who also desired to grow in their profession. These seniors offered me inspiration on a week filled with reflection and encouragement.
Typically summer days include lots of mother/daughter time which is quite rare during the school year. This week the girls have been on their own with meals, use of time and various activities. Yesterday, I arrived home to see Katie baking a homemade bundt cake. She took her little sister to the grocery store, bought lunch for both of them and then the ingredients to make a delicious dessert. While I wouldn't know how to make a cake unless I followed directions on the side of a box, Katie searched for ideas on the internet and then spent hours in the kitchen. After nearly 3 hours of hard work, she emptied the finished product from the bundt pan onto a cookie sheet only to have it fall into a messy chocolate mound, similar to the mud pies I made as a child. As she was frustrated and disappointed, she posted this result on the internet. Two things hit me: this non-baking mother was so proud of her daughter's creation, her creative drive and motivation to learn to bake on her own and her humility-- as she posted something REAL (a seeming failure) online. I was beaming with pride as I watched my child try and "fail" at something of interest to her. But, was it really a failure? Looks can be deceiving!!! It sure didn't taste like a disaster while licking the chocolatey goodness off of my fingers during teacher training today.
So much of what fills my social media feed includes perfect vacation photos (chief offender here!!!!), lovely homecooked breakfasts/dinners and beautiful smiling faces of my loved ones. If I'm being completely honest, nothing discourages me more than seeing a perfect "spread" of food cooked by another mother when it's not even a holiday. My immediate thoughts are: "I hope my family is fine with having cheetos and beef sticks for dinner and then rotten milk in their cereal." While this exaggeration is only partly true, it does capture my heart and how I often feel like a failure on the home front in the area of baking and providing home cooked meals for Kyle and the girls. I'm admitting this as I assume others also make assumptions and comparisons based on images posted. While the Oliphints are a happy family, sharing hundreds of photos, others would never know that before nearly every picture is taken, disaster ensues. "Please leave your sister alone. Just smile." "Not now, Mom!" "I promise it's just a few photos......" Then, wala- bam, beautiful smiles and the seemingly delighted family is captured and shared for loved ones to see. Again, looks are deceiving!
Recently, I caught up with a friend, who moved away, while she was home for a visit. She asked about our year. When I mentioned it was a difficult year, she said, "I had no idea! You're always so positive with everything you post." Of course, I mentioned that I don't want to share my garbage on the internet. People have enough discouraging things to fill their days without reading another person's trash or trouble. However, it made me think: Why am I so quick to post all that is good and beautiful in my life (trips, lovely children, fun outings/dates) and to remain so quiet about my challenges and/or "failures"? Am I causing another mother discouragement with my delightful travel photos similar to my envy of the perfect homemaker with home cooked breakfast images? It's just a thought.
Don't get me wrong. I love social media..... I love taking and posting photos and I love seeing the adventures and joys of my far away friends, while using this online tool. But, the look of something is not the reality! Just last Sunday, Kyle preached at a neighborhood retirement home. The room was filled with men and women in their 90's. Most used walkers or wheel chairs and many lacked the cosmetic look of those of us in younger decades. Yet, these souls in their twilight years (including a retired baptist preacher and a retired seminary professor) belted out the hymns by memory and they shouted "amen" with great faith and wisdom. They don't know the world of social media, have probably never sent a text or even an email in some cases. Their struggles did not include too much time on the internet or posting a version of life that seems too good to be true. They looked old, even weak and tired, but many of them are strong pillars of the faith, saints who have gone before us with lives of suffering and service. Over eighty years ago, they were sweet five year olds entering kindergarten classrooms much different from today, but they had teachers who loved children and who also desired to grow in their profession. These seniors offered me inspiration on a week filled with reflection and encouragement.
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