Lately, I've been looking back and trying to remember seasons throughout life. I find myself grasping for a clear picture of important places and people. My childhood home in Tulsa, where I lived for around 15 years, seems like a fading memory. Oddly, the garage is one of the most vivid pictures in my mind. It recently hit me that it was a four bedroom home and I can hardly picture the 4th bedroom. I keep thinking about that house and trying to form images in my head. Sadly, it is just a blurred recollection.
Another season that comes to mind with little clarity would be the college years. Yesterday, we received a 20 year reunion letter with a focus on fundraising from the class of 1993. As a classroom teacher for 7 years (combined), I have yet to make the amount of money Mom and Dad forked over so that I could enjoy the luxury of a degree from Vanderbilt University. While I spent formative years in Nashville, I can remember so little of the specifics from my time there.
Even during this high speed season of parenting, with a house of teenage girls and all the drama that comes from middle school and high school relationships, (I guess some things are better forgotten.) I can barely remember details from raising the girls in the early and slower paced years. Thank goodness for a joke worthy (endless) number of photos to remind me of God's blessing and goodness to us with three daughters. He continually showers our parenting with grace during each passing year.
As we look forward to many exciting seasons of life, including
driving, college, weddings and hopefully grandchildren, my gaze will be
lifted just beyond these obvious blessings as I long for my heavenly home where there will be no fading memory, pain or sadness and where we will rest peacefully and gloriously in the Lord's presence.
For now, I feel like I'm in the middle of the story of life. (Some call it mid-life.) I wonder if many others have similar experiences in their forties. Combined with four decades of living, 2012 brought a mid-life shift in focus as I witnessed profound hopelessness, suffering and even death. Abundant and blessed memories from the past are dimming, yet my gaze for eternity with the Lord is coming into focus with precise and intense vision. Oddly, I have some memories that are crystal clear in my mind. Many, if not all, of the memories relate to deep spiritual moments with the Lord during transforming and difficult times. I'm becoming convinced, in the midst of all these seemingly important, yet obviously forgettable, seasons of life, God is writing a story of redemption, faithfulness, grace, mercy and steadfast love in my life. Future chapters are a mystery to me but the end of the story is one of great joy, profound hope and everlasting peace.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, no any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Teacher and Preacher
Recently, it hit me that Kyle and I have job titles that rhyme with each other (teacher & preacher). This is likely on my radar as kindergarten students use rhyming words quite regularly. I like to point out to the children that "rhyming makes us better readers and writers". They seem to believe this and find purpose in an otherwise meaningless skill. Letter combinations are not the only similarities in our jobs. Both are highly meaningful and satisfying callings. Obviously, a pastor has a very distinct call, but I doubt any teacher can sustain the intensity and requirements of the profession without some sense of being called to the work. I can only speak for myself, but daily I feel like I'm made for the classroom. I don't feel this way in many other roles in life-- especially as a minister's wife. ; )
People are another common factor in our vocations, especially the investment in particular individuals and families. Whether in the pews, Sunday school classes, cafeteria or classrooms, people have needs, gifts, challenges, opinions, personalities, expectations and a multitude of unique characteristics. Frankly, as a pastor's family, with one of us serving in the classroom, life can feel like a fishbowl at times. Whether I run into a student at Target who looks at me like an alien from another planet (all the while beaming from ear to ear) or I have church members who watch me flounder with much prayer while raising teenagers, I rarely feel the leisure of anonymity. I don't think Kyle would mind me sharing the obvious change in a social setting when someone finds out that he is a pastor. He would love to interact without this relational dynamic many times.
We both long for closure, to check off a to-do list and to be finished with "a task", something similar to April 15th for the tax folks in our midst. I guess I have the advantage with the summer months where there is time for renewal and refreshment. If it weren't for a high sense of calling and an understanding that the grass is NOT greener on any side of the road, I would long for a life as a mail carrier and trash collector. I certainly have a much greater desire to pray for MY pastor/preacher as he labors without a sense of ever clearing his plate or completing any of his work. Do you remember to pray for your pastor? I guarantee he lives a life with demands, most especially at home.
Why the ramblings on life as a teacher and preacher? Well, honestly, we both get weary. We are both critiqued (good and bad) quite often. You never get used to a job that is always before the public where performance reviews and expectations are constant and usually outside of your hearing.
Thirteen years ago, a much younger minister's wife moved to Tampa, Florida. A new and now dear friend asked me, "Is it hard being a minister's wife?" I made light of this seemingly throw away question and answered, "No, it really isn't." Today, I wish I could answer that probing and thoughtful question again. I would tell him that I am unbelievably out of my comfort zone. Still, I am overwhelmingly encouraged by the sustaining grace and faithfulness of God. I am humbled by the abiding faith, prayers and sacrificial service of the people He brings into our midst. With much eagerness and dependance upon the Lord, we are abundantly grateful for our callings.
People are another common factor in our vocations, especially the investment in particular individuals and families. Whether in the pews, Sunday school classes, cafeteria or classrooms, people have needs, gifts, challenges, opinions, personalities, expectations and a multitude of unique characteristics. Frankly, as a pastor's family, with one of us serving in the classroom, life can feel like a fishbowl at times. Whether I run into a student at Target who looks at me like an alien from another planet (all the while beaming from ear to ear) or I have church members who watch me flounder with much prayer while raising teenagers, I rarely feel the leisure of anonymity. I don't think Kyle would mind me sharing the obvious change in a social setting when someone finds out that he is a pastor. He would love to interact without this relational dynamic many times.
We both long for closure, to check off a to-do list and to be finished with "a task", something similar to April 15th for the tax folks in our midst. I guess I have the advantage with the summer months where there is time for renewal and refreshment. If it weren't for a high sense of calling and an understanding that the grass is NOT greener on any side of the road, I would long for a life as a mail carrier and trash collector. I certainly have a much greater desire to pray for MY pastor/preacher as he labors without a sense of ever clearing his plate or completing any of his work. Do you remember to pray for your pastor? I guarantee he lives a life with demands, most especially at home.
Why the ramblings on life as a teacher and preacher? Well, honestly, we both get weary. We are both critiqued (good and bad) quite often. You never get used to a job that is always before the public where performance reviews and expectations are constant and usually outside of your hearing.
Thirteen years ago, a much younger minister's wife moved to Tampa, Florida. A new and now dear friend asked me, "Is it hard being a minister's wife?" I made light of this seemingly throw away question and answered, "No, it really isn't." Today, I wish I could answer that probing and thoughtful question again. I would tell him that I am unbelievably out of my comfort zone. Still, I am overwhelmingly encouraged by the sustaining grace and faithfulness of God. I am humbled by the abiding faith, prayers and sacrificial service of the people He brings into our midst. With much eagerness and dependance upon the Lord, we are abundantly grateful for our callings.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Perspective is Everything
If you're anything like me, too often, you can't see past the end of your nose. Thoughts about my schedule, my stress, my opinions and my circumstances can tend rule the emotions of the day. Sometimes I'm hit in the face with examples of how others are struggling and how ridiculously self-consumed I can be. Just this evening, I pulled into the driveway with a rather gloomy attitude at the same time as my neighbor. She is grieving the recent loss of her teenage son. Other times, I seek out reminders to shake me out of a "blue funk". Yesterday, I came home from school and looked through hundreds of photos from my time in Africa. All of my students in Zambia go without electricity, running water (clean water for that matter), food and parental care each day, yet they are the most peaceful and hardworking people I will ever know. I'm becoming convinced that perspective makes all the difference. Many of us have very little of it.
If you're in a season of raising babies or toddlers with little time to yourself for pampering or social interaction, you've likely heard from older moms how fleeting the time seems while looking back. If you're adamantly pro-choice and fiercely protective of the woman's right to choose, you should talk to a loved one twenty years after having an abortion and walk through the dibelitating grief with her. If you think conservative Christians are hateful bigots or you think liberal gay and lesbians are offensive and perverted, then you've likely never had a close loved one or relative fall into one of these two categories. I remember being in Zambia during a highly political season and being disgusted by some of the "issues" on endless media loop as I witnessed profound suffering for the first time in my life. My perspective was altered drastically and I'm coming to realize I will never be the same again.
As a woman who has moved into her 40's with all the "hormonal fun" that goes along with being a female-- including daughters just beginning the journey (sorry, guys-- just the facts!), I'm increasingly grateful for the perspective I have as one who is IN Christ. I'm convinced that he alone can overcome my pride and self-centeredness. I continue longing for heaven and the return of Christ with growing expectation. Until then, may he deepen my faith and sharpen my perspective as one who is humbly dependent upon divine grace and mercy.
"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
If you're in a season of raising babies or toddlers with little time to yourself for pampering or social interaction, you've likely heard from older moms how fleeting the time seems while looking back. If you're adamantly pro-choice and fiercely protective of the woman's right to choose, you should talk to a loved one twenty years after having an abortion and walk through the dibelitating grief with her. If you think conservative Christians are hateful bigots or you think liberal gay and lesbians are offensive and perverted, then you've likely never had a close loved one or relative fall into one of these two categories. I remember being in Zambia during a highly political season and being disgusted by some of the "issues" on endless media loop as I witnessed profound suffering for the first time in my life. My perspective was altered drastically and I'm coming to realize I will never be the same again.
As a woman who has moved into her 40's with all the "hormonal fun" that goes along with being a female-- including daughters just beginning the journey (sorry, guys-- just the facts!), I'm increasingly grateful for the perspective I have as one who is IN Christ. I'm convinced that he alone can overcome my pride and self-centeredness. I continue longing for heaven and the return of Christ with growing expectation. Until then, may he deepen my faith and sharpen my perspective as one who is humbly dependent upon divine grace and mercy.
"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
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