Be careful what you wish for. For the later half of 2012, I longed for some "normal" weeks on the home front as a Mom, wife, friend and church member. Being out of the country and then constantly on the go with trips to CO, OK and even the hospital in TX, I missed out on a lot of stuff with the girls and our local community. Working outside the home added to this as well. Now, 2013 is well under way and I'm fully engaged in the normal routine of life, working shorter hours, but clarity of thought and dependence upon the Lord is lacking. With comfort comes confusion. Lessons learned in Africa seem to be distant, almost unreal, memories. Just this week, two "American moments" gave me pause and left me wondering about the lack of fruit in my life from what I've seen on the other side of the globe.
For the past week, I've obsessed (to say the least) over vacation properties in the panhandle of Florida. We finally settled on a lovely spot for our first week at the beach as a family. Sure, we lived in Florida for a number of years and used to have date nights by the waters edge and even overnights in a number of condos, motels, etc. I spent many days playing in the sand with the girls while Kyle was working in Tampa, but with just 3 summers until our first high school graduation, we've never spent extended time together in one of my favorite places. As I've considered the comfort, peace and pleasure of this most desirable location, I've also learned that the mission trip for our church is scheduled for the same week as our (already paid for) reservation. Surprisingly, our oldest has communicated a strong desire to miss the family trip and to return to Mexico where she had a life changing experience. My gut response.... "You're living at home for just 3 more years; you have to go on this trip with us." How can it be that I would deny her the opportunity to serve for our pleasure and delight?!
Even last night, our family walked into the Apple store with two shattered i-Pod screens on relatively new devices. As the tech described the $15,000 tables to us and the stones on the floor made from a certain mountain or something, he typed a description of the girls' devices into his iPad. "Viciously shattered" and "horrid" were the adjectives used. Come to find out, one of our girls didn't want Mom and Dad to replace (at our cost) her iPod for a new one. She wanted to keep the shattered one. I nearly insisted on making the exchange (again at our cost), because it didn't seem reasonable to keep using a destroyed "horrid" one. Then, once again, it hit me. I felt like I was in "bizzarro world" completely devoid of any understanding of sacrifice and suffering.
Lingering in my thoughts is a strong desire to return to the compounds of Lusaka, Zambia. As Kyle and I anticipate our 20th anniversary next year, I wonder about celebrating with some combination of mission/travel together. Who knows? However, I will pray that the Lord will grant me some of the clarity I experienced in more challenging circumstances and that his spirit will grow in me a passion for sacrifice and service in this corner of the world. I have a long way to go!
