Ready, Set, GO

It's "go time".  For the last four years, I've longed for the opportunity to return to the schools in Africa and to continue working with Zambian educators and students.  I've also dreamed of taking one or all of my girls with me, but never believed it would be possible.  Tomorrow morning, Katie and I travel to Lusaka, Zambia by way of Dubai where we will begin using our unique gifts in separate locations while both working with orphans.   Now that it's time to go,  so much anticipation has turned to into last minute stress and some heart ache about leaving Kyle, Caroline and Kelly.  If you are inclined to pray for us, now is the time.  Please pray for the obvious, health and safety, and also for fruitful ministry as we seek to serve precious children created in the image of God.

In preparation for this trip, we've been getting ready for months with various fundraising efforts: t-shirt sales and also gathering needed supplies.  Family and friends from all seasons of life have made it possible for us to go.  There really are no adequate words of gratitude for the generous and loving support we've received in all areas!  We are ready and able thanks to so many of you.

Stress has been high in the recent weeks as we get everything set and organized for travel, including various shots and prescriptions.  It is quite something for a Type A mother, with a checklist for each day to prepare for a mission trip with a laid back-go with the flow-no worries-daughter.   Katie will be glad to get on a completely different shuttle when we arrive in Lusaka, Zambia on Saturday (7:30 in the morning Texas time).  Of course, I will shower her with many last minute reminders as we go our separate ways.  Again, if you are inclined to pray for us, now is the time!

With Katie's departure for college upon our return, ready, set, go seems to be the theme of the summer.   There are six packed suitcases in the living room for Africa and there are dozens of stacks and piles for a college dorm in Katie's room.  The checklists are detailed and long for both events.  She will be stepping out on her own overseas as well as on a college campus.  As we prepare for separate mission opportunities, we are also making sure she is ready for an independent life with all the needed supplies.   I'm thankful it is not "go time"  in that regard, yet.  Whether it's short term missions or significant life/family changes, I'm reminded about the theme of this blog: the Lord is my shepherd.  Those five words from scripture comfort my soul- day and night.  Whether taking a walk or having a sleepless night, I rehearse these words over and over in my mind in the midst of fear and/or anxiety.   God's goodness and grace is overwhelming to us and we give Him thanks for these opportunities.  With Christ as our good shepherd,  we can trust him to care for our needs as we follow him in the days, months and years ahead.  May the Lord be glorified through our efforts in the next few weeks and may His love be showered upon our brothers and sisters across the globe.

New Things

They say, "You learn something new everyday."  Well, this morning I've already learned several new things.  As a Mom, working outside the home, I often miss the girls' activities.  I've never been more aware of the sacrifices they make until now.  I took the day off from teaching to watch a tennis tournament.  With two girls on the tennis team at the high school, I've haven't attended a match in two years because they always play during the school day.  While I can give you details of individual needs and learning styles for 20 five and six year olds, I don't know some of the sweetest details of our girls' lives.  I learned few things about them this morning.

The day started listening to Kelly's piano practice before school.  I had no idea she was learning to play "Amazing Grace" and perfecting the right hand part.  I didn't know she was becoming fluent at the theme song to Disney's Pocahontas as I'm always gone when the girls roll out of bed.  This morning was a treasure to me and it also provided a pleasant tune for humming (my habit) throughout day.  Next, while watching a tough and hard fought tennis match, it struck me that I had no clue that Caroline was aggressive at the net or that she had a solid backhand swing.  (Quite envious as the backhand was her mother's downfall on the court.)  It's also news to me that she squats below the net as her partner serves, not wanting to be hit in the head.  I'm so thankful for a brief window into the normal routine of their lives that I've been missing.  Again, I'm especially conscious of how returning to the classroom, after over a decade of working at home, has impacted our family.  

Just this week..... I've never been more aware that every day of life is a gift; we are not promised tomorrow!  Today most certainly feels like a gift and one where I am thanking God for His amazing grace and His goodness in the life of our family.  He showers our lives (our weaknesses and our parenting) with grace.  He redeems, comforts,  strengthens and provides abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine.  His steadfast love and faithfulness never ends.

Footprints

Having just returned from the beach, I'm feeling rested for the first time in a very long time.  In the early years, beach visits were enjoyable to be sure, but so exhausting with all the gear, sand, diapers and little girls in tow that I almost needed a vacation after the vacation.  Thankfully, today the girls can carry their own gear (a towel and unfortunately too little sunscreen).  There is even opportunity to sit on the beach by myself for long periods of time as they come and go at their leisure.  Kyle prefers the porch to a sand covered surface, so his company comes in spurts.  Rain or shine (especially a sunset!) you could find me under an umbrella for most of the day..... resting, reflecting, reading and praying.   I am reminded of God's overwhelming and unending faithfulness while watching and listening to the ocean tide.  I can literally taste, see, smell and hear that the Lord is good, while taking in the vastness of the water and listening to the unending, repetitive sound of the waves.  His faithful footprints are so clear in my life, and for some reason, I am most keenly aware of this when I sit by the ocean.  Having lived in Florida for some time, significant and hard moments were often processed at the water's edge.  Now I return and remember His greatness and goodness and I'm confident of His tender care in my life.  In the normal routines of life, so often I forget.

After dozens and dozens of beach visits, too many to count, this time I was struck by the footprints in the sand.  Obviously, I was a little distracted playing with the girls during the little years, but I've had enough return visits to have noticed these impressions.  This year, we stayed just a short walk down the beach, going east or west, from two families who have profoundly impacted my life. (They've never met.)  As I spent time with each of these dear friends, it felt like sacred time.  God brought us together for a season-- and they each left significant footprints on me.  I can honestly say, the impression they made is an eternal one.

As I spent lots of time thinking and praying this week, I considered one of the hardest things about being a pastor's wife during this season of life.  The revolving door nature to ministry really gets to me. While we tend to be on the receiving end of families moving to new cities/churches, we've also been the ones who have left dear congregations.  Either way, it's just hard.  People come into a church body and they leave footprints in the life of its members.  As a children's church and Sunday school teacher, I've invested in families who have made a lasting impression on me.  When they leave, sometimes the footprints feel painful with gossip or slander (a stomping of sorts) and other times I watch them go with heartfelt tears and earnest prayers for where the Lord is taking them.  Whether it's church life or a school/neighborhood community, we leave footprints in the lives of those we meet.  Do we want to leave a bitter taste/impression, or do we want to leave an impression for lasting and eternal good?  As I noticed the sand this week, the footprints were often traveling in one direction with a destination or goal in view and others were scattered and messy like so much of life.  The most striking part was the constant, enormous tide washing over them all.  It made me think of God's work in the lives of His people.  Whether we are sure footed and confident in our journey of faith or not, His care and mercy never ends.  It is overwhelming and constant.  If you are my friend or family member, one of those who leaves a lasting impression on me, it is my prayer that you also taste and see that the Lord is good!

Leaving the Nest

Recently on a walk, with the bare trees of winter against a brilliant blue sky, I noticed a birds nest in nearly every suburban tree.  It hit me how tiny each nest was against the vast background.  It is here that tiny baby birds are fed and protected in such a small space compared to the wide world available to them after the first month of life.  After about two weeks, baby birds leave the nest, even though they are not able to fly or eat on their own.  Then, for a few more weeks, the "fledgeling" birds hop around on the ground while the parents show them how to find food and what to eat.  After one month, baby birds are full grown and able to fly on their own..... ready to take on the enormous world beyond the miniature nest.  As we continue the approach to graduation (walking the plank of the graduation countdown), with 114 days remaining, it feels a bit like our oldest is leaving a very small, protected nest to explore a massive world.  In some ways, it seems like she will be "hopping along the ground unable to find food" on her own.  Thank goodness for expensive university meal plans!

I'm sad to see this season of life, with all our kids at home, come to a close.   For 18 glorious, colorful and blessed years, the five of us have done life together within the walls of our own tiny nest (although a much bigger one in Texas! ; ) God used even the smallest of his creatures to illustrate how absurd it would be to remain in the nest when it is time to fly.  There is so much for Katie to learn and experience in the world beyond our walls as she makes an independent life on her own.  Mixed with sadness comes hopeful expectation as I'm sure Katie will make a significant impact in this life.  Her love for the Lord and her steely determination are a powerful combination for good and for God's glory.

With overwhelming gratitude and joy, I am thrilled to officially announce that I will be taking Katie Belle far beyond the nest of our home shortly after graduation.  We will travel to Zambia, Africa to serve with a mission organization called Family Legacy.  Katie will work at a camp and I will work in a Christian school.  I can't think of a better way to send her off to college than to share her passion for missions along with my heart for orphans.   For several years, I've longed to return to the impoverished villages of Africa and it has been a dream of Katie's to go and serve with me.  As we prepare to leave the comfort and safety of the nest together, we are grateful for the Lord's protection no matter how far we go. We are both stunned by His provision through our loved ones, after doubting that it would be possible for both of us to go.  We could not take this enormous step out of our comfort zone without the overwhelming generosity and faithful prayers of our family and friends.  It seems this blog is coming full circle as it began in preparation of my first trip to Zambia. It's exciting to anticipate what the Lord will do in the lives of His children (including us) this summer.  I'm humbled with thanksgiving for His steadfast love and His faithful work in our lives.

"Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to the span of life?  ......  Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness."  (from Matthew 6)

After the Sparkly Lights

We welcomed 2016 with happy, noisy teenagers upstairs and loud fireworks outside our window while under the covers of our bed, still not asleep.  For some reason while curled up in my PJ's, this moment seemed significant.  I was tempted to jump out of bed and go watch the neighbor's fireworks or to join the teenage party upstairs at the outset of a new year.  I longed for a sparkly party hat or obnoxious noise maker as I spent a few minutes reflecting on the passing of another year with unknown experiences and opportunities ahead.   Of course, Kyle would have been annoyed by either celebratory option, so I closed my eyes and welcomed 2016 as quietly as any other year.  Maybe I'm more aware of the significance of the passing of one year as we will watch our daughters leave home over the next 4 and half years, with the oldest going on to big things in 2016.

During the holiday season, festive sparkly lights have been a constant theme. In early December, our anniversary included the brilliant display of lights at the Gaylord Texas.  At the end of the month, Christmas Eve was particularly festive as we enjoyed the bright and colorful lights of Main Street Grapevine and Sundance Square in Fort Worth.  Of course, throughout the season, every street and shopping mall sparkled with a lovely scene.  Then, upon the arrival of New Year's day, we stayed in our PJ's through out the day and we removed all things festive and sparkly from our home. With black eyed peas, cornbread and cheesecake in our tummies, we put Christmas away.   The house seemed so bare, so plain and sort of sad without bells, garland, ornaments and twinkling lights in every room.  While I know all of these bright and festive surroundings are trivial and insignificant, this year the season seemed sweeter and the lights seemed brighter.  In recent years, after losing my Dad, the shine of the holidays grew dim.  Christmas reminded me of the light and joy he brought to our lives.  I'm thankful that in the process of grief there is a return of childlike joy in the midst of the holidays.

Here we are at the beginning of 2016.  As we return to the normal routine of life without all the bells and lights, I am reminded of a favorite line from a most recent movie:  "the ordinary meets the extraordinary every day".   The lights will be removed from neighborhood homes and schedules will resume without multiple gift exchanges or continuous feasting, but the beauty of ordinary life shines brightly as we hop out of bed each morning and give ourselves to what God has called us to do.  The light of Christ shines brightly as young mothers sacrifice and serve their little ones and as teenage students honor the Lord in the midst of surroundings that deny Him.  There is glorious light and grace and mercy as we get on our knees and pray for those who insult and persecute us, as we love our enemies and turn from the temptation to gossip and slander our brothers and sisters.  May the light of Christ shine brightly in our lives this year.  May we love one another abundantly as we seek to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind.  Happy New Year friends!  I look forward to seeing how the Lord works His light in our lives this year.

Remember When

Typically, I love to write as I try to make sense of the mess of life with the HOPE of heaven in view.  However, in the recent weeks, I haven't been able to make sense of anything.  Simply put, I've been down in the dumps.... including regular tears and mood swings that resemble the steepest drop of a roller coaster.  It's a pretty uneventful season in life with no tragedy or significant crisis in our lives, yet, I'm feeling blue consistently.  When our church publicized a "depression study", my oldest commented to her Dad, "Mom needs to go to that!"  So I did and it was very encouraging.

While I can't put my finger on a specific trigger, I am mindful that a mixture  of mid-forty hormone changes and our oldest being a senior (a cocktail of circumstances) comes with side effects.  I know that I'm going to miss so much about parenting and the child rearing years when Katie goes off to college next year, but I guarantee I will not miss this phase.  Of course, I will miss her presence and her lovely ways, but the high stakes parenting with children who long to be independent, not so much. 

Just this morning, one of my all time favorite songs played in the car while driving to work-- Alan Jackson's "Remember When" flooded my thoughts with the past 18 (fleeting) years of parenting.  During a 15 minute drive, images of Katie filled my mind.  For some reason, two years of age seems to bring the most vivid memories.  While Katie was an easy baby and an extremely compliant school age girl (still is), I remember distinctly her strong will showing up in full color as a toddler.  Daily interactions included her exclaiming: "Katie do it" and also lengthy tantrums.  With little ones, we insisted the girls not have an audience during their fits, so we sent them to the rooms to have it out.  Caroline's protests were powerful, but very short lived.  Baby Kelly would stop crying in route to her room, but Katie was a completely different story.  I remember her (bobbed hair and bangs with a pink bow on the top of her head wearing a pink gingham shirt, polo khaki skort and white sandals) standing in a nook of her room raising the volume of her protest upon hearing a parent near by in our Philadelphia home (seems like yesterday). She could keep it going like no other.  While driving, it hit me that we are in another season where our daughter is ready to exert her will.  Thankfully, there are NO lengthy tantrums, but there is a sense of "Katie do it" that is reasonable and appropriate for her age.  Even Caroline is stretching her independent legs with the ability to drive places on her own.  Four licensed drivers with three cars can be a bit complicated.... definitely a "first world problem",  but a puzzle we engage in each day.

I don't know how other parents process the final year with their first born at home or the inevitable reality that they are leaving home.  Most days, it's not even on my radar, but clearly there is a low grade sadness going on beneath the surface.  This seems like the first chapter in a book titled: "Wrapping up the Parenting Gig".  However, our version reads with  more questions than answers.  I'm convinced every parent has a sweet spot where they are most confident and effective.  It seems I peaked in the early years.  : )  I'm thankful for a husband who is clearly made for parenting in the teen years and also for friends and family who come alongside as I look for answers and support.  I'm especially grateful, after nearly 18 years as a mother, that God showers our parenting with grace.  All three of our girls exceed the hopes and prayers I have for them as they reflect and honor the Lord with their thoughtful, loving and most gracious ways.  I'm crazy thankful to be a part of His plan for their lives.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9  (also used on Katie's senior parking space)

Oh, What a Beautiful Life

As I drove home from school today, Nick Fradiani's hit, "Beautiful Life" blared on Satellite Radio.  I thoroughly enjoy these moments alone with good (loud) music- where I have time for reflection and to get motivated for the day.  The lyrics, "Oh, what a beautiful life..." ring true, but lately beauty has shown most brightly through the ugliest of circumstances.

In the recent months, those closest to us have become acquainted with repulsive words like cancer, adultery, fits of rage, bitterness, gossip/slander, selfish pride and heartbreak.  (You will find me among this awful list.  I do not look down on fellow sinners as I struggle in this life!)   I'm not going to lie to you; this season of trial has shaken me and has made me feel vulnerable.  Honestly, my faith has been tested and I've been reminded that "my only comfort in life and in death is that I am not my own, but belong body and soul....  to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ."  My heart and prayers have been lifted to Him in unprecedented ways.   It's as if I enrolled in Christianity 101 to relearn the basics of the faith:  God works to redeem what is vile and broken in order to create something profoundly beautiful.  Just think of the "greats" from scripture (King David, Paul, Peter- just to name a few)... all terribly flawed, but used by God for His glory and for the redemption and restoration of His people.

I've been reminded that the Lord's goodness and mercy penetrates the darkest of times.  The stunning beauty of powerful forgiveness and sacrificial service, as my loved ones have lifted their gaze to almighty God in times of need, has encouraged my soul.  The beauty of His grace has shown through  those I love so dearly.  These testimonies deepen my faith and stir me to pray more fervently.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's...... The LORD is merciful and gracious slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."   Psalm 103 

That I am not my own, 1 but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, 2 to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ. 3 - See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/1.html#sthash.wGXRqLpu.dpuf