Recently on a walk, with the bare trees of winter against a brilliant blue sky, I noticed a birds nest in nearly every suburban tree. It hit me how tiny each nest was against the vast background. It is here that tiny baby birds are fed and protected in such a small space compared to the wide world available to them after the first month of life. After about two weeks, baby birds leave the nest, even though they are not able to fly or eat on their own. Then, for a few more weeks, the "fledgeling" birds hop around on the ground while the parents show them how to find food and what to eat. After one month, baby birds are full grown and able to fly on their own..... ready to take on the enormous world beyond the miniature nest. As we continue the approach to graduation (walking the plank of the graduation countdown), with 114 days remaining, it feels a bit like our oldest is leaving a very small, protected nest to explore a massive world. In some ways, it seems like she will be "hopping along the ground unable to find food" on her own. Thank goodness for expensive university meal plans!
I'm sad to see this season of life, with all our kids at home, come to a close. For 18 glorious, colorful and blessed years, the five of us have done life together within the walls of our own tiny nest (although a much bigger one in Texas! ; ) God used even the smallest of his creatures to illustrate how absurd it would be to remain in the nest when it is time to fly. There is so much for Katie to learn and experience in the world beyond our walls as she makes an independent life on her own. Mixed with sadness comes hopeful expectation as I'm sure Katie will make a significant impact in this life. Her love for the Lord and her steely determination are a powerful combination for good and for God's glory.
With overwhelming gratitude and joy, I am thrilled to officially announce that I will be taking Katie Belle far beyond the nest of our home shortly after graduation. We will travel to Zambia, Africa to serve with a mission organization called Family Legacy. Katie will work at a camp and I will work in a Christian school. I can't think of a better way to send her off to college than to share her passion for missions along with my heart for orphans. For several years, I've longed to return to the impoverished villages of Africa and it has been a dream of Katie's to go and serve with me. As we prepare to leave the comfort and safety of the nest together, we are grateful for the Lord's protection no matter how far we go. We are both stunned by His provision through our loved ones, after doubting that it would be possible for both of us to go. We could not take this enormous step out of our comfort zone without the overwhelming generosity and faithful prayers of our family and friends. It seems this blog is coming full circle as it began in preparation of my first trip to Zambia. It's exciting to anticipate what the Lord will do in the lives of His children (including us) this summer. I'm humbled with thanksgiving for His steadfast love and His faithful work in our lives.
"Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to the span of life? ...... Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness." (from Matthew 6)
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Saturday, January 2, 2016
After the Sparkly Lights
We welcomed 2016 with happy, noisy teenagers upstairs and loud fireworks outside our window while under the covers of our bed, still not asleep. For some reason while curled up in my PJ's, this moment seemed significant. I was tempted to jump out of bed and go watch the neighbor's fireworks or to join the teenage party upstairs at the outset of a new year. I longed for a sparkly party hat or obnoxious noise maker as I spent a few minutes reflecting on the passing of another year with unknown experiences and opportunities ahead. Of course, Kyle would have been annoyed by either celebratory option, so I closed my eyes and welcomed 2016 as quietly as any other year. Maybe I'm more aware of the significance of the passing of one year as we will watch our daughters leave home over the next 4 and half years, with the oldest going on to big things in 2016.
During the holiday season, festive sparkly lights have been a constant theme. In early December, our anniversary included the brilliant display of lights at the Gaylord Texas. At the end of the month, Christmas Eve was particularly festive as we enjoyed the bright and colorful lights of Main Street Grapevine and Sundance Square in Fort Worth. Of course, throughout the season, every street and shopping mall sparkled with a lovely scene. Then, upon the arrival of New Year's day, we stayed in our PJ's through out the day and we removed all things festive and sparkly from our home. With black eyed peas, cornbread and cheesecake in our tummies, we put Christmas away. The house seemed so bare, so plain and sort of sad without bells, garland, ornaments and twinkling lights in every room. While I know all of these bright and festive surroundings are trivial and insignificant, this year the season seemed sweeter and the lights seemed brighter. In recent years, after losing my Dad, the shine of the holidays grew dim. Christmas reminded me of the light and joy he brought to our lives. I'm thankful that in the process of grief there is a return of childlike joy in the midst of the holidays.
Here we are at the beginning of 2016. As we return to the normal routine of life without all the bells and lights, I am reminded of a favorite line from a most recent movie: "the ordinary meets the extraordinary every day". The lights will be removed from neighborhood homes and schedules will resume without multiple gift exchanges or continuous feasting, but the beauty of ordinary life shines brightly as we hop out of bed each morning and give ourselves to what God has called us to do. The light of Christ shines brightly as young mothers sacrifice and serve their little ones and as teenage students honor the Lord in the midst of surroundings that deny Him. There is glorious light and grace and mercy as we get on our knees and pray for those who insult and persecute us, as we love our enemies and turn from the temptation to gossip and slander our brothers and sisters. May the light of Christ shine brightly in our lives this year. May we love one another abundantly as we seek to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. Happy New Year friends! I look forward to seeing how the Lord works His light in our lives this year.
During the holiday season, festive sparkly lights have been a constant theme. In early December, our anniversary included the brilliant display of lights at the Gaylord Texas. At the end of the month, Christmas Eve was particularly festive as we enjoyed the bright and colorful lights of Main Street Grapevine and Sundance Square in Fort Worth. Of course, throughout the season, every street and shopping mall sparkled with a lovely scene. Then, upon the arrival of New Year's day, we stayed in our PJ's through out the day and we removed all things festive and sparkly from our home. With black eyed peas, cornbread and cheesecake in our tummies, we put Christmas away. The house seemed so bare, so plain and sort of sad without bells, garland, ornaments and twinkling lights in every room. While I know all of these bright and festive surroundings are trivial and insignificant, this year the season seemed sweeter and the lights seemed brighter. In recent years, after losing my Dad, the shine of the holidays grew dim. Christmas reminded me of the light and joy he brought to our lives. I'm thankful that in the process of grief there is a return of childlike joy in the midst of the holidays.
Here we are at the beginning of 2016. As we return to the normal routine of life without all the bells and lights, I am reminded of a favorite line from a most recent movie: "the ordinary meets the extraordinary every day". The lights will be removed from neighborhood homes and schedules will resume without multiple gift exchanges or continuous feasting, but the beauty of ordinary life shines brightly as we hop out of bed each morning and give ourselves to what God has called us to do. The light of Christ shines brightly as young mothers sacrifice and serve their little ones and as teenage students honor the Lord in the midst of surroundings that deny Him. There is glorious light and grace and mercy as we get on our knees and pray for those who insult and persecute us, as we love our enemies and turn from the temptation to gossip and slander our brothers and sisters. May the light of Christ shine brightly in our lives this year. May we love one another abundantly as we seek to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. Happy New Year friends! I look forward to seeing how the Lord works His light in our lives this year.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Remember When
Typically, I love to write as I try to make sense of the mess of life with the HOPE of heaven in view. However, in the recent weeks, I haven't been able to make sense of anything. Simply put, I've been down in the dumps.... including regular tears and mood swings that resemble the steepest drop of a roller coaster. It's a pretty uneventful season in life with no tragedy or significant crisis in our lives, yet, I'm feeling blue consistently. When our church publicized a "depression study", my oldest commented to her Dad, "Mom needs to go to that!" So I did and it was very encouraging.
While I can't put my finger on a specific trigger, I am mindful that a mixture of mid-forty hormone changes and our oldest being a senior (a cocktail of circumstances) comes with side effects. I know that I'm going to miss so much about parenting and the child rearing years when Katie goes off to college next year, but I guarantee I will not miss this phase. Of course, I will miss her presence and her lovely ways, but the high stakes parenting with children who long to be independent, not so much.
Just this morning, one of my all time favorite songs played in the car while driving to work-- Alan Jackson's "Remember When" flooded my thoughts with the past 18 (fleeting) years of parenting. During a 15 minute drive, images of Katie filled my mind. For some reason, two years of age seems to bring the most vivid memories. While Katie was an easy baby and an extremely compliant school age girl (still is), I remember distinctly her strong will showing up in full color as a toddler. Daily interactions included her exclaiming: "Katie do it" and also lengthy tantrums. With little ones, we insisted the girls not have an audience during their fits, so we sent them to the rooms to have it out. Caroline's protests were powerful, but very short lived. Baby Kelly would stop crying in route to her room, but Katie was a completely different story. I remember her (bobbed hair and bangs with a pink bow on the top of her head wearing a pink gingham shirt, polo khaki skort and white sandals) standing in a nook of her room raising the volume of her protest upon hearing a parent near by in our Philadelphia home (seems like yesterday). She could keep it going like no other. While driving, it hit me that we are in another season where our daughter is ready to exert her will. Thankfully, there are NO lengthy tantrums, but there is a sense of "Katie do it" that is reasonable and appropriate for her age. Even Caroline is stretching her independent legs with the ability to drive places on her own. Four licensed drivers with three cars can be a bit complicated.... definitely a "first world problem", but a puzzle we engage in each day.
I don't know how other parents process the final year with their first born at home or the inevitable reality that they are leaving home. Most days, it's not even on my radar, but clearly there is a low grade sadness going on beneath the surface. This seems like the first chapter in a book titled: "Wrapping up the Parenting Gig". However, our version reads with more questions than answers. I'm convinced every parent has a sweet spot where they are most confident and effective. It seems I peaked in the early years. : ) I'm thankful for a husband who is clearly made for parenting in the teen years and also for friends and family who come alongside as I look for answers and support. I'm especially grateful, after nearly 18 years as a mother, that God showers our parenting with grace. All three of our girls exceed the hopes and prayers I have for them as they reflect and honor the Lord with their thoughtful, loving and most gracious ways. I'm crazy thankful to be a part of His plan for their lives.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9 (also used on Katie's senior parking space)
While I can't put my finger on a specific trigger, I am mindful that a mixture of mid-forty hormone changes and our oldest being a senior (a cocktail of circumstances) comes with side effects. I know that I'm going to miss so much about parenting and the child rearing years when Katie goes off to college next year, but I guarantee I will not miss this phase. Of course, I will miss her presence and her lovely ways, but the high stakes parenting with children who long to be independent, not so much.
Just this morning, one of my all time favorite songs played in the car while driving to work-- Alan Jackson's "Remember When" flooded my thoughts with the past 18 (fleeting) years of parenting. During a 15 minute drive, images of Katie filled my mind. For some reason, two years of age seems to bring the most vivid memories. While Katie was an easy baby and an extremely compliant school age girl (still is), I remember distinctly her strong will showing up in full color as a toddler. Daily interactions included her exclaiming: "Katie do it" and also lengthy tantrums. With little ones, we insisted the girls not have an audience during their fits, so we sent them to the rooms to have it out. Caroline's protests were powerful, but very short lived. Baby Kelly would stop crying in route to her room, but Katie was a completely different story. I remember her (bobbed hair and bangs with a pink bow on the top of her head wearing a pink gingham shirt, polo khaki skort and white sandals) standing in a nook of her room raising the volume of her protest upon hearing a parent near by in our Philadelphia home (seems like yesterday). She could keep it going like no other. While driving, it hit me that we are in another season where our daughter is ready to exert her will. Thankfully, there are NO lengthy tantrums, but there is a sense of "Katie do it" that is reasonable and appropriate for her age. Even Caroline is stretching her independent legs with the ability to drive places on her own. Four licensed drivers with three cars can be a bit complicated.... definitely a "first world problem", but a puzzle we engage in each day.
I don't know how other parents process the final year with their first born at home or the inevitable reality that they are leaving home. Most days, it's not even on my radar, but clearly there is a low grade sadness going on beneath the surface. This seems like the first chapter in a book titled: "Wrapping up the Parenting Gig". However, our version reads with more questions than answers. I'm convinced every parent has a sweet spot where they are most confident and effective. It seems I peaked in the early years. : ) I'm thankful for a husband who is clearly made for parenting in the teen years and also for friends and family who come alongside as I look for answers and support. I'm especially grateful, after nearly 18 years as a mother, that God showers our parenting with grace. All three of our girls exceed the hopes and prayers I have for them as they reflect and honor the Lord with their thoughtful, loving and most gracious ways. I'm crazy thankful to be a part of His plan for their lives.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9 (also used on Katie's senior parking space)
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Oh, What a Beautiful Life
As I drove home from school today, Nick Fradiani's hit, "Beautiful Life" blared on Satellite Radio. I thoroughly enjoy these moments alone with good (loud) music- where I have time for reflection and to get motivated for the day. The lyrics, "Oh, what a beautiful life..." ring true, but lately beauty has shown most brightly through the ugliest of circumstances.
In the recent months, those closest to us have become acquainted with repulsive words like cancer, adultery, fits of rage, bitterness, gossip/slander, selfish pride and heartbreak. (You will find me among this awful list. I do not look down on fellow sinners as I struggle in this life!) I'm not going to lie to you; this season of trial has shaken me and has made me feel vulnerable. Honestly, my faith has been tested and I've been reminded that "my only comfort in life and in death is that I am not my own, but belong body and soul.... to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ." My heart and prayers have been lifted to Him in unprecedented ways. It's as if I enrolled in Christianity 101 to relearn the basics of the faith: God works to redeem what is vile and broken in order to create something profoundly beautiful. Just think of the "greats" from scripture (King David, Paul, Peter- just to name a few)... all terribly flawed, but used by God for His glory and for the redemption and restoration of His people.
I've been reminded that the Lord's goodness and mercy penetrates the darkest of times. The stunning beauty of powerful forgiveness and sacrificial service, as my loved ones have lifted their gaze to almighty God in times of need, has encouraged my soul. The beauty of His grace has shown through those I love so dearly. These testimonies deepen my faith and stir me to pray more fervently.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's...... The LORD is merciful and gracious slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Psalm 103
In the recent months, those closest to us have become acquainted with repulsive words like cancer, adultery, fits of rage, bitterness, gossip/slander, selfish pride and heartbreak. (You will find me among this awful list. I do not look down on fellow sinners as I struggle in this life!) I'm not going to lie to you; this season of trial has shaken me and has made me feel vulnerable. Honestly, my faith has been tested and I've been reminded that "my only comfort in life and in death is that I am not my own, but belong body and soul.... to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ." My heart and prayers have been lifted to Him in unprecedented ways. It's as if I enrolled in Christianity 101 to relearn the basics of the faith: God works to redeem what is vile and broken in order to create something profoundly beautiful. Just think of the "greats" from scripture (King David, Paul, Peter- just to name a few)... all terribly flawed, but used by God for His glory and for the redemption and restoration of His people.
I've been reminded that the Lord's goodness and mercy penetrates the darkest of times. The stunning beauty of powerful forgiveness and sacrificial service, as my loved ones have lifted their gaze to almighty God in times of need, has encouraged my soul. The beauty of His grace has shown through those I love so dearly. These testimonies deepen my faith and stir me to pray more fervently.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's...... The LORD is merciful and gracious slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Psalm 103
That
I am not my own, 1
but belong with body and soul,
both in life and in death, 2
to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ. 3 - See more at:
http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/1.html#sthash.wGXRqLpu.dpuf
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Treading New Ground
Summer 2015 flew by and it was full of travel as we covered much
new ground. This year we celebrated Mom's 70th birthday in the
Mediterranean Sea. In the midst of overwhelming sights, I was constantly and particularly struck by the
pathways beneath our feet, including the stone roads of Pompeii, the
ancient ruins of Greece, 2000+ year old mosaic floors in the Vatican,
courtyards and palaces of emperors in the area of Constantinople- Istanbul, Turkey and also the sinking gravel at the peak of Mt. Vesuvius. Even as we wrapped up our summer in the Colorado Rockies with multiple hikes (my favorite thing!!), we found unfamiliar trails and noticed a new favorite hike to resemble that sinking ground of Mt. Vesuvius... definitely not easy on our aging bodies.
It seems the summer days ended as quickly as they passed. This week teachers in Texas have begun the process of preparing for the 2015-2016 school year. There's always much anticipation as we enter a new school year. Typically, we return to work a week before the students for various professional development days. Still, as the days pass, we await official word of a new group of students for the upcoming year. While the first day of teacher work week is full of excitement and inspiration, the day of class lists is more serious for me. At this time precious babies are given to my care... those who are treading new ground in their young lives with Moms and Dads who are sending their treasured children off for an education, possibly for the first time. I do not take this repsonsibility lightly! Even as I'm helping my oldest daughter with the process of college applications (talk about new ground!) , I remember well the enormity of the decision of where to send her to kindergarten, so important and completely overwhelming that it led to the decision to homeschool her for a few years.
So.... today I got a new class list... such a great blessing! In two days, I will meet this precious group of students at Meet the Teacher. (another favorite thing!!!) The process of covering new ground together this year comes with eagerness, endless possibility, anxiousness (for teacher and students) and hopeful expectations. I am grateful for the Lord's goodness to me as He enables me to do a work I feel created to do. Here's to another wonderful school year with my newest friends!!!
It seems the summer days ended as quickly as they passed. This week teachers in Texas have begun the process of preparing for the 2015-2016 school year. There's always much anticipation as we enter a new school year. Typically, we return to work a week before the students for various professional development days. Still, as the days pass, we await official word of a new group of students for the upcoming year. While the first day of teacher work week is full of excitement and inspiration, the day of class lists is more serious for me. At this time precious babies are given to my care... those who are treading new ground in their young lives with Moms and Dads who are sending their treasured children off for an education, possibly for the first time. I do not take this repsonsibility lightly! Even as I'm helping my oldest daughter with the process of college applications (talk about new ground!) , I remember well the enormity of the decision of where to send her to kindergarten, so important and completely overwhelming that it led to the decision to homeschool her for a few years.
So.... today I got a new class list... such a great blessing! In two days, I will meet this precious group of students at Meet the Teacher. (another favorite thing!!!) The process of covering new ground together this year comes with eagerness, endless possibility, anxiousness (for teacher and students) and hopeful expectations. I am grateful for the Lord's goodness to me as He enables me to do a work I feel created to do. Here's to another wonderful school year with my newest friends!!!
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Reflections
During a somewhat aimless transition to summer days, with so much free time and so little routine, I'm starting each day with a morning walk. I crave and need routine, so this is a welcome daily habit. On the first morning of summer, while taking a walk, I was struck by my new found freedom (the luxury of morning exercise), clear blue skies, increasing heat, birds singing sweetly and a crisp reflection of houses on the surface of a neighborhood pond. I captured this image of homes reflecting on the water... thinking, "Yay, it's summer!" This morning included the same delight and routine, but my walk was delayed, making the reflection of those homes dull and blurry, yet still visible.
The timing of this fading reflection reminds me of the process of grief after you lose a loved one. The Lord comforts us and softens the sharp pain with gracious time. The ache, as if a boulder lives inside your chest, becomes lighter. Still, there are these times when the reflection of grief is stronger again. Just this week, there have been unexpected moments when the memory of Dad caused my chest to ache and the tears to flow. As we prepare for a big family trip, to celebrate Mom's 70th birthday, vivid memories of him fill my mind. A week from today, we leave on our 5th family cruise (the first without Dad). I look forward to standing on the bow and stern of the ship once again. In addition to thousands of family photos, I absolutely love to capture the reflections on the surface of the ocean. It is one of my all time favorite things in life..... right up there with sunset photos! : )
Over the last several years, it's surprised me, in the experience of grief, that the simplest things bring the greatest pain. Just yesterday, when Caroline asked me about doing laundry on the ship, my eyes unexpectedly filled with tears for the first time in months. I got to thinking........ Who will do laundry with me every day as we travel around the Mediterranean Sea? (nobody) Only Dad and I would let such "OCD issues" of clean clothes follow us around the globe. Who will knock on our cabin door at 6:30 in the morning (for no reason) while on VACATION? (nobody) Who will remind me to capture hundreds of photos by saying, "You're gonna miss the best shot!" (nobody) While my brother and I are certainly strong reflections of our father, we are way more laid back and deferential than he was. Our Dad was a powerful force in life and especially in our family. He led and we all knew to follow. End of story! Who will lead our group as we engage with new cultures of our world? (With an increasing number of young adults in the family, the answer to this question will be fun to witness as Dad is reflected in each of them.) He will certainly be missed!
The timing of this fading reflection reminds me of the process of grief after you lose a loved one. The Lord comforts us and softens the sharp pain with gracious time. The ache, as if a boulder lives inside your chest, becomes lighter. Still, there are these times when the reflection of grief is stronger again. Just this week, there have been unexpected moments when the memory of Dad caused my chest to ache and the tears to flow. As we prepare for a big family trip, to celebrate Mom's 70th birthday, vivid memories of him fill my mind. A week from today, we leave on our 5th family cruise (the first without Dad). I look forward to standing on the bow and stern of the ship once again. In addition to thousands of family photos, I absolutely love to capture the reflections on the surface of the ocean. It is one of my all time favorite things in life..... right up there with sunset photos! : )
Over the last several years, it's surprised me, in the experience of grief, that the simplest things bring the greatest pain. Just yesterday, when Caroline asked me about doing laundry on the ship, my eyes unexpectedly filled with tears for the first time in months. I got to thinking........ Who will do laundry with me every day as we travel around the Mediterranean Sea? (nobody) Only Dad and I would let such "OCD issues" of clean clothes follow us around the globe. Who will knock on our cabin door at 6:30 in the morning (for no reason) while on VACATION? (nobody) Who will remind me to capture hundreds of photos by saying, "You're gonna miss the best shot!" (nobody) While my brother and I are certainly strong reflections of our father, we are way more laid back and deferential than he was. Our Dad was a powerful force in life and especially in our family. He led and we all knew to follow. End of story! Who will lead our group as we engage with new cultures of our world? (With an increasing number of young adults in the family, the answer to this question will be fun to witness as Dad is reflected in each of them.) He will certainly be missed!
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Time to Go
As I wrap up another school year with my sweet students, I'm struck with how quickly the year went! We've had a truly fabulous year together.... one of the best! Every year, I'm thankful for the opportunity to be a part of a child's life (8 hours each day!), but at the same time I'm aware that my influence is limited to a period of time and then it's done. Once again, as the final days roll by, I wonder if I've done enough. Did I figure out how to motivate each student? Did I make them feel loved and safe? Do they know that I believe they are capable of greatness and that they inspire me each and every day? Teachers have this annual stewardship reminder with such a weighty role and influence in the lives of children for a time.
While teachers are given 9+ months to invest in the lives of students, parents are given 18 years of influence. As I consider the speed of this school year, it brings me to tears, because it marks the beginning of our final school year with our daughter. I ask myself similar questions as those of a teacher: Have I done enough? Does my daughter know how she inspires me? Does she know that she is capable of greatness? Does she know how much she is loved? (Mother/daughter tension leaves this in question many days, even today.) Have I taught her to make choices to enhance her safety? Not to mention, I still need to teach her how to cook and to be a homemaker. Here's hoping, like her Mama, she will rise to the occasion. I can barely hold it together as I consider the senior year and all the reminders that she is leaving. How have my relatives and childhood friends made it through this season with (seemingly) so much composure?!? I look at their graduation announcements on display in the kitchen with great joy, satisfaction and much sympathy. Senior year hasn't even started and I'm a bundle of emotion already.... a complete mess!
Lately, the increasing speed and passing of time both intrigues and frustrates me. Every May, after all the testing and end of year projects are complete, I tend to savor classroom morning meetings even more. I listen to their stories with added interest and realize our time together is precious and fleeting. I want to hold on to my sweet students and keep them in kindergarten a while longer. I wish there was a pause button. Still, there is no greater desire to make time stop than with my own child. We're living in those fleeting moments just before her inevitable launch to adulthood. This comes with obvious tension and sadness. I can almost hear the ticking of a clock and it nags at me.
Thankfully, there will be a day when the passing of time is no more. For eternity, we will never feel the ticking of a clock or the fleeting of days. When it is our time to go, we will be in the presence of the Lord forever. This gives such comfort and peace.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
While teachers are given 9+ months to invest in the lives of students, parents are given 18 years of influence. As I consider the speed of this school year, it brings me to tears, because it marks the beginning of our final school year with our daughter. I ask myself similar questions as those of a teacher: Have I done enough? Does my daughter know how she inspires me? Does she know that she is capable of greatness? Does she know how much she is loved? (Mother/daughter tension leaves this in question many days, even today.) Have I taught her to make choices to enhance her safety? Not to mention, I still need to teach her how to cook and to be a homemaker. Here's hoping, like her Mama, she will rise to the occasion. I can barely hold it together as I consider the senior year and all the reminders that she is leaving. How have my relatives and childhood friends made it through this season with (seemingly) so much composure?!? I look at their graduation announcements on display in the kitchen with great joy, satisfaction and much sympathy. Senior year hasn't even started and I'm a bundle of emotion already.... a complete mess!
Lately, the increasing speed and passing of time both intrigues and frustrates me. Every May, after all the testing and end of year projects are complete, I tend to savor classroom morning meetings even more. I listen to their stories with added interest and realize our time together is precious and fleeting. I want to hold on to my sweet students and keep them in kindergarten a while longer. I wish there was a pause button. Still, there is no greater desire to make time stop than with my own child. We're living in those fleeting moments just before her inevitable launch to adulthood. This comes with obvious tension and sadness. I can almost hear the ticking of a clock and it nags at me.
Thankfully, there will be a day when the passing of time is no more. For eternity, we will never feel the ticking of a clock or the fleeting of days. When it is our time to go, we will be in the presence of the Lord forever. This gives such comfort and peace.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
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